As your adolescent begins to envision independence and test
new identities, peer pressure takes precedence over parental power. In
fact, many 11- to 13-year-olds seem to want the world to think they are
raising themselves. Your job as parent is to assure them (and their friends)
that you are indeed very near, very present and very interested in their
activities and relationships.
Establish Family Meetings
Set aside at least 30 minutes each week for a regular family meeting.
Establish a set time and location when and where nothing comes in the
way of honest interest in one another and total support for family members’
goals and struggles.
Get Going
The pre-teen, pre-driving years provide your best remaining opportunity
for getting to know your child's friends. Volunteer to drive for school
events, sports practices and extracurricular activities. Volunteer as
a chaperone on retreats, field trips and parties. Form a bond of relationships
and experiences.
Listen, So Kids Will Talk
Accept the person, not necessarily the behavior. Show loving acceptance
by listening attentively to everything any young person shares with you.
Show genuine concern for potentially dangerous choices. Don't use put-downs
or harsh words. Help your 11- to 13-year-old work through the ethical
decision making process.
Stick to Standards
While other parents may be questioning their rules and values, this is
no time to give your child freedom he can't handle. Set rules, limits
and standards that reinforce what you want to see your child do.
Keep a Calendar
Collect important dates early and ink them in your family calendar and
in individual family members' calendars. Mark dates such as school holidays,
teacher workdays, early release days, parent-teacher conference days,
school breaks, report card releases, major exam weeks, standardized exam
dates and other relevant events so that you will be on top of your child's
schedule. Share significant dates with grandparents and others as soon
as you get them. During the first month of school, reserve some of these
dates for family vacations, special weekends, community activities, reunions
and other family activities.
As a family with 11- to 13-year-olds, your first challenge may seem to
be getting your children where they need to be, when they need to be there.
It is hard to manage your responsibilities and maintain your sanity at
the same time! Making time to be together in a productive way is your
primary character-development challenge, so it's important to use your
time wisely.
