A Character Education Primer
for Parents
You never outgrow the need for good character. Young people need solid
standards, and so do their parents. Focusing on the quality of your own
character will help you teach, enforce, advocate and model the Six Pillars
of Character.
The Six Pillars of Character (and ethical decision making) form the basis
of honorable behavior at every age. Simply remember that good character
is terrific (that's "T.R.R.F.C.C." - Trustworthiness, Respect,
Responsibility, Fairness, Caring and Citizenship).
TRUSTWORTHINESS
RESPECT
RESPONSIBILITY
FAIRNESS
CARING
CITIZENSHIP
TRUSTWORTHINESS: Trustworthiness is being honest, telling the truth, keeping promises and being loyal so people can trust you. Trustworthy people don't lie, cheat or steal. They have integrity and the moral courage to do the right thing and stand up for their beliefs even when it is hard.
Honesty Dos
• Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth even when it costs more than you want to pay.
• Be straightforward, open and direct.
• Be sincere. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
• If you find something that doesn't belong to you, return it.
• Look out for the best interests of the people who depend on you.
Honesty Don'ts
• Don't lie (that is, don't misrepresent facts or opinions).
• Don't deliberately mislead by any means (that means don't conceal, distort, twist or alter facts and don't tell half-truths).
• Don't be devious, sneaky or tricky.
• Don't withhold important information from people who trust you.
• Don't steal anything from anyone.
• Don't cheat, defraud or trick any person or group to get what you want, or to avoid trouble.
Promise-keeping Dos
• Be reliable; keep your word.
• Pay your debts. (Watch out for those credit cards!)
• Return what you borrow.
• Make only promises that you can and will keep.
• Don't use loopholes, tricks, deceit or misleading language to get out of commitments.
Promise-keeping Don'ts
• Don't break promises.
• Don't keep anything that isn't yours.
• Don't make promises you may not be able to keep.
Loyalty Dos
• Be careful with private information that could embarrass or hurt others.
• Support and protect the best interests of your family, friends, teachers, employers, community and country.
Loyalty Don'ts
• Don't talk behind people's backs or spread harmful rumors or gossip.
• Don't lie, cheat, steal or harm others to keep or win a friendship or gain approval.
• Don't ask a friend to do something wrong as a condition of your friendship.
Integrity Dos
• Share your values and beliefs with your children.
• Discuss people who have stood up for their convictions, even when it has cost them money, security or position.
• Share stories, news articles or magazine articles about people who show moral courage.
• Walk your talk.
• Talk your walk.
• Praise your children for doing what is right, even when it's difficult.
Integrity Don'ts
• Don't say one thing and mean another.
• Don't say one thing and do another.
• Don't lie to avoid difficult situations.
• Don't give in to pressure. Make honorable decisions and carry them out.
RESPECT: Respect means showing others that they are valued for who they are, for their character, not what they look like or what they have. It means treating others the way you want to be treated, never insulting or making fun of others who are different in appearance, ability, race or religion. A respectful person is polite, does not use hurtful language and never uses violence.
Respect Dos
• Treat everyone with respect by being courteous and polite.
• Respect the independence and individuality of others. Taking into account the age and maturity of a person, respect his/her right to develop decision-making competence.
• Be tolerant and appreciative of individual differences.
• Judge people on their merits, not on their race, religion, nationality, gender, physical or mental condition, or social and economic status.
Respect Don'ts
• Don't insult, abuse, demean, mistreat or harass others.
• Don't make inappropriate or unwanted comments about a person's race, religion, or gender.
• Don't manipulate or take advantage of other people.
RESPONSIBILITY: Responsibility is doing what you are supposed to do. Responsible people think ahead, set reasonable goals, control their tempers and always do their best. They don't give up easily, especially when others are counting on them. They are accountable for the consequences of their choices; they don't blame others for their mistakes.
Responsibility Dos
• Think before you act. Consider the consequences for yourself and others. Then decide whether the action is trustworthy, respectful, responsible, fair, caring and a mark of good citizenship for everyone affected by the decision.
• Be accountable. Take responsibility for the consequences of your actions (or lack of action).
• Be reliable. Always perform your duties.
• Set a good example in what you say and do. Act as if someone whose respect you want is always watching.
• Take the initiative to make your school, organization, neighborhood or home better for yourself and others.
• Do your best! Make everything you do worthy of pride.
• Stick to it! Meet your responsibilities even when it is difficult.
• Finish your work before you play.
Responsibility Don'ts
• Don't blame others for your mistakes.
• Don't take credit for other people's work or accomplishments.
• Don't give up.
• Don't neglect your duties.
FAIRNESS: Fairness is playing by the rules, taking turns, sharing and listening. Fair people do not take advantage of others. They consider all sides before they decide and don't blame others unjustly.
Fairness Dos
• Treat all people fairly.
• Listen closely to others. Try to understand what they are feeling and saying or trying to say.
• Consider all the facts, including opposing views, before making a decision.
• Make impartial decisions, using the same criteria or standards for everyone.
• Correct your mistakes.
Fairness Don'ts
• Don't take advantage of other people's mistakes or ignorance.
• Don't take more than your fair share.
• Don't let personal preferences, prejudices or other feelings improperly interfere with decisions which should be based on merit.
CARING: Caring is being kind, helpful and generous to everyone. Caring people are not selfish; they are considerate and always think about how their conduct affects others. They have compassion and empathy; they care how others feel and they are charitable and forgiving. They do good deeds without thought of reward.
Caring Dos
• Show you care about others through kindness, caring, generosity and compassion.
• Live by the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want them to treat you.
• Think how every decision, word or action will impact every stakeholder.
Caring Don'ts
• Don't be selfish.
• Don't be mean or cruel.
• Don't be insensitive to the feelings of others.
CITIZENSHIP: Citizenship is doing your share to help your family and make your community a better place. Good citizens are good neighbors. They cooperate with others, obey laws and rules, protect the environment, and respect the authority of parents, teachers and others.
Citizenship Dos
• Obey the rules.
• Obey laws. If you cannot obey them, work to change them.
• Make your school a better place for students and faculty.
• Make your neighborhood a safer, happier place for adults and kids.
• Vote and encourage others to vote.
• Learn about the various educational, social, economic, service and decision-making systems in the community and use your knowledge, talents and energy to make them function more effectively.
• Be a good team player.
• Be aware of the impact your consumer choices have on the environment and other people in other locales.
Citizenship Don'ts
• Don't bend the rules.
• Don't break laws.
• Don't be a citizen in name only.
• Don't spoil the environment.
• Don't waste resources or consume thoughtlessly and greedily.
